you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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