i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
