My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
