don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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