i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
