i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize