She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
