his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
