he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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