it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
