I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
