he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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