Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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