I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
