im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
