Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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