Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
