I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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