I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
