Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
