i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
