btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
