Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
