i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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