Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
