I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
