I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
