So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
