1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
