I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
barbara walters just said penis...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
