I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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