I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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