I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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