i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
