I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
