Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
