im drinking this country out of the recession.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
