don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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