take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
