They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
