Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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