Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
