College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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