I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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