we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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