well I can't set my house on fire every night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
