I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
