Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
