Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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