she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
