wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
