she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So apparently I’m into choking now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
