i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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