Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
