You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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