you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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