he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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