Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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