I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
