Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
