The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
