Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
