I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
