just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
