i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
