he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
