How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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