Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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