I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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