1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
