Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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