There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As shirtless as possible
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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