Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
